My epiphany

I am a person that enjoys writing my thoughts down on papers. I'm not sure how good I am at it but I do enjoy it. Maybe someday these thoughts/stories, etc. will make me some money but until then I am content with whomever reads them by chance and enjoys their contents.

About a week ago I was hit with a brick... it was like God was rapping me up side my head with a 1/2 ton truck to get my attention. I guess I hadn't been listening. (For those of you who know me, I'm sure you're saying... "Imagine that".. ha) My dad always used to say, "It just takes some people longer than others." Most of the time he was referring to ME.

Anyway, I had been strugging a great deal for sometime with life, my purpose and what I was supposed to do with whatever skills God had bestowed upon me. I had grown increasingly angrier over the years feeling defeated and wondering why God was not answering my prayers. I mean, I was basically a good person. I had good morals and values and loved my family. I had a great work ethic and tried to go to church every Sunday. People liked me. I had a lot of friends. Yes, I was overbearing sometimes and opinionated but when people took the time to get to know me, they enjoyed being around me. Or, was I just kidding myself... Well, you've heard the old saying.... "There are none so blind as those that can not see". Well, I think that I have NOT been seeing for a long time.

It's amazing how great your life can be with the right attitude, a PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) as you might say. That actually comes from a book I've been reading. Well, that morning about a week ago I suddenly realized that I had lost that PMA somewhere along the line. I used to be such an optimistic and positive person. But there had been SO much going on in our lives. We had moved away from all of our family and friends to a small town where we knew NO ONE. Our first child was born 2 months premature and spent the 1st 2 months of his life in the NICU. I continued to stay home with the kids after we had our second child. Then I tried to get back out in the job market but couldn't find anything really satisfying or comparable to my education or degree. I was frustrated. Then, the reality of the finances started playing a part. We longed to try and be social and fit in with the community but found ourselves staying home to try and save a buck. I thought maybe getting more involved in volunteering would help (and it has) but I still had the wrong attitude.

I prayed for that right job to come along but it seems like God just wasn't listening. Until that fateful morning when he hit me with a brick and said, "LINDA!! Just be happy!! I have given you so many blessings. You have a wonderful family that loves you. You have your health, a house that has everything you've wanted in a house, food on the table, a job (even though it's not where you want to be yet). Be patient and trust ME!!!! I will fill your life with so many more blessings if you just trust me, be happy and leave it up to me."

Oh my.... now some of you probably don't believe that that's what He said but it was. I'm not saying that I actually heard God's voice BUT I did hear what he was trying to make me understand. And it's so AMAZING how things just work out when you put a smile on your face, give people the benefit of the doubt, have a positive outlook on everything and everybody and just trust in Him to make things happen. I was so concerned with controling my life and trying to do it all myself and I finally GOT IT. I can't do that. It's never going to work out like it should if I try and do it all myself.

WOW! The past week has been amazing. Life at home as been incredible. Everyone is happier and things flow better. I know that that perfect job (or, at least, a better one) will come along in God's own time and I can feel my natural smile coming back. Feels Good!! Try it... they say it takes less muscles in your face to smile than frown. Now, if I start thinking about something negative, I immediately smile and soon those negative feelings and thoughts are gone. Live is good and it's only going to get better!!