A friend of mine posted something that got me thinking about how life and situations change our personalities, lifestyles, and priorities. Not that I've never thought or pondered that before but it seems like it's been in the front of my mind a lot lately.
Years ago before kids, dept and family commitment I had a life. My husband did, too. Or I thought we did. We could come and go as we pleased. We bought pretty much what we wanted without really worrying about a budget. We traveled a lot and could hop on our Harleys anytime we wanted and go for a evening ride, long weekend ride or a trip across several states (that is if we had the vacation time away from our jobs).
Life seemed very simple back then. We were carefree; free spirits. We paid our bills and showed up for work on time but other than that, we could do what we wanted WHEN we wanted. We could sleep late!! Ahhhh...wasn't that nice. I remember the days when Greg and I slept in until about 9 or 10 on Sat. morning and then we'd fix a big breakfast. Afterwards, we'd watch a movie and then take a 2 hour nap.
We weren't stressed or, at least, not like we are now. Oh, we had things come up that were stressful but to think back on it now, it seems very superficial. The stress we may have endured then was so insignificant compared to what pops up in our lives now.
Sometimes I miss those days. Yes, I do. I admit it. I miss being able to sleep late and come home and not have anything to do but sit and chill out with my husband. I miss being able to do something without being interrupted a thousand times. I miss being able to go to the bathroom without someone barging in on me or hearing fighting and screaming the minute I leave the room. Yes, I miss (as much as I enjoy cooking) just fixing a quick sandwich or popping some popcorn for dinner instead of trying to provide a well-balanced meal for my family. AND, I miss the spontaneity of our sex life (I probably miss that most of all because that is the part that has probably suffered the most).
BUT, even with all these things that I have listed as missing terribly, they are only missed for a millisecond....only long enough for me to remember them. And then I remember my children and my husband and how I can't imagine life without them. I remember how my kids give me joy each day even when they are fighting with each other. I remember the hugs and kisses they give me as they crawl in bed with us at 6:30 in the morning. I remember the questions and wonder in their eyes as they learn something new. I remember the times I make breakfasts of pancakes and bacon at 7:00am as I'm wiping the sleepy out of my eyes knowing that they enjoy those breakfasts so much. (Thanks Mamaw & Papaw! You've spoiled them.) I remember their prayers and concern for their family and how they try so hard to please. I remember the tears from scrapped knees and their huge hugs when I can make their "booboo" feel better. .....AND I remember how all those things make ME feel. They make me feel great. Those things make me feel so wonderful. My life before my husband and kids seems so insignificant.
So, I guess what this amounts to is sometimes we, as parents and humans, don't always feel like our life is good or meaningful or what we had invisioned. Sometimes we think "How did I get here?" What am I supposed to be doing?" At least, that's what I've said to myself. But when I look into my innocent little boys' faces I realize that I'm here for THEM. I'm here to teach them the best I know how. It's not going to be easy but if I just step back and take a deep breath (and say a prayer) it will be OK and I will see the direction in which I need to go. They depend on us and it is SO worth it. All the sleepless nights and early mornings and stressed afternoons with homework, ball games and fighting doesn't seem all that bad when I think of what life would be without them and all the caos....